About Me

Hi. My name is Austin. I’m 15, and I live in a small town in Ohio. My school has 350 people, and the lack of gay people is sometimes excruciating. I’m friends with 2 gay people in real life, and they both go to college, and are 5 years older than me. So I feel pretty alone, a lot. I’m out to the school, and all my friends, but not having someone who can relate to you gets pretty upsetting at times. That’s why I’ve had to resort to online friends, and some of the best people I know, are online. My mom thinks that they’re all pedophiles, but they’re just kids like me, gay kids, who need someone to be friends with. I told my parents I was gay on 1-20-2010. It was probably the biggest, and hardest decision I have ever made in my life. Decisions like these, most kids don’t have to make until they’re much older, and even then, they don’t have the same repercussions as mine did. But anyways, I went to a counselor, he was cool, he knew there was nothing wrong with me from the get go, so after the last session he told my parents I was fine. And I haven’t been back. My mom told me I was the worst thing to ever happen to her, but when the gay topic isn’t up, she’s perfectly fine. It makes me wonder how much shit she’s keeping on the inside. Anyways, about me. Music. If I could only have one sense left, it would be the ability to hear. I’m not sure if I could survive without music. And I’m not exaggerating. Music is simply the only with which I get by sometimes. It’s playing as I write this. I listen to it as I read. On the bus. In the car. In the shower. While doing the dishes. When I’m not listening to it, I’m playing piano. So it’s very much a part of my life. I’m not afraid to stand up for myself. I defend my beliefs and opinions, and values if they are challenged. I’m not afraid to call out a bitch if she’s telling me that I choose to be gay, and that It’s immoral and therefore I do not have rights. (Hey, maybe because that’s happened!) I also don’t just believe something because my parents do, or like something because my friends do. I’m very much my own person, and that’s partly why I’m not a fan of organised religion. I don’t like taking orders from others on what I should hold dear to myself, and I don’t like being shot down if I have a different belief than someone else. I’ve been told I’m really mature for my age, but isn’t everyone told that? Everyone thinks I’m in college or a junior or senior in High school from the way I talk and write, and hold conversations. But I’ve always gotten along better with people older than me, at family reunions, I’m at the old people table, instead of the kids table, because I’d rather hear about the good old days than about the hot new toy. I love genealogy, and Calvin Coolidge is my cousin. I’m impulsive, very much so. I’m the one who clicks send, or sends the chat message to the cute guy really fast, without thinking, in order to avoid thinking. I’m really uncomfortable with my body. I’m actually quite disgusted. In the gay community there is so much pressure to be skinny, and a little twig, and I’m just, not. I’m grossed out, and I hate my everything about my body. Every day I just think about starving myself. I’ve also thought about puking. I don’t even look at myself in the shower. And my face, don’t even get me started. This all sounds conceited, but It’s really something I know that’s wrong. But its so ingrained, that even by me typing this, it doesn’t change anything. I hate my teeth, they’re gapped. My eyebrows are too thick. My nose is too big. My pores are ginormous. My hair is curly and therefore a bitch. My lips are thin. And my cheeks too big. I could go on and on. It’s terrible. My body, and my body image. If you’re still reading this uber long about me, which is more for my sake, than anyone else, I love autographs. I have autographs from Brent Hartinger, Alex Sanchez, Peter Cameron, Perez Hilton, and the Fabulous Beekman Boys. Lea Delaria, Dragonette, and Dangerous Muse say they’re sending them, but I haven’t got them yet. And I’ve sent letters to people like Johnny Weir, Jane Fonda, and Dan Savage, with no response (yet!) Another thing about me, I love meeting new people. And friends are the only things keeping me alive sometimes, literally. It was my friends who got me out of my suicidal stage. I never attempted, but the very thought of it permeated my very being. And it, was terrible. I have friends in Hong Kong, and I have friends down the road. Each and every one means just the same to me. I may not be close to all of them, but I still love them, just for who they are. I love some more than some of my family. And I would trust some with my life. All I ask of them is to be there for me and listen when I need someone to talk to. Listening is a lost art, and sometimes, it’s the best thing a friend can do. I don’t think anyone really understands how important my friendships are to me. My parents obviously don’t, they think it should be restricted to people I know. But friends are the ones who go through life with you. We’re all on this boat together, and even though some may jump off, others will come aboard, and others, the most important ones, will stay aboard with you the whole time.